I'm sitting here late at night when I know I'm supposed to be asleep.. But it just hit me. I loathe the fact that every other day I can enjoy the fact that I'm here having a good time with my friends, when there is one major piece missing. That piece is you Nick. My heart just stopped when I started thinking about you. I want you to be here with us right now enjoying the same thing I can enjoy. Never in my life have I felt such a gap missing. I knew that I would never get over the fact that you're gone.. But I never thought it would hit me so bad again.. I miss you. and I speak for everyone when I say that. Ha, last night Taylor, Mason, and I were talking about how cool you were, and how much we missed you. I just wished you could come back so all of us could stick trays in the trash can... I'll see you one day again I know this for sure, but.. until then.. I'm missing you bro... Just save me a front seat in heaven so I can see you dive into pool up there.. I love you Nick...

I was thinking about Nick and Mason at the park. It was probably late summer 2008 and I took Nick, Mason and Madalyn to the park. Nico and Mason were jumping on over and across the equipment like the monkeys they are. I spent much of that time biting my lip, trying not to say, â??no, donâ??t do that, you might get hurt.â?� Neither one hurt anything major despite the fact that they were jumping across the monkey bars from the steps to the thrid, fourth, or fifth bar and swinging. No slips, so no broken arms, thankfully. After the park, we went to a Chinese food restaurant that Nico liked due to the large amount of food you get when you order. I was thinking about this because Madalyn and I went there a couple of weeks ago. I hadnâ??t made the Nico connection until I pulled into the parking space. I immmediately had a mental picture of Nick and Mason up on the wall, goofing around. It made me pause and try to soak up the memory. As I was silently watching them, Madalyn spoke up and asked if I remembered â??Nico up on that wall or somethingâ??. I am so glad that she remembers. Nico, we love you! You, too, Mason. And thank you to everyone who posts a memory up here. I love reading them and it helps a little, knowing that you are keeping Nick with you in your hearts and thoughts.

nick, i think about you often. sometimes when passing I-30, listening to "The Greatest" or "Chop Suey", or simply daydreaming in class. or today i was going through some of my old pictures and saw some from ENTERPRISE CITY. there were some pics of nick holding up his huge eraser that once said "for big mistakes" but nick rubbed off for and the s after mistake in order to make it say "big mistake" in the pictures he is holding up to his head. i will never forget that among many other memories of him. lately i have been thinking a lot about how i live my life and how he lived his. i wonder what i might leave behind if i died tomorrow. if my life would mean as much as nick's did. i just want to live my life as nick did, to the fullest, never missing out on a fun moment. i find myself saying i love you, stay safe, have fun, i'll miss you, heres a hug. i can't help but never want this time to end. i have amazing friends and teachers. we all love and miss you nick, can't wait to see you again, will never forget you or the life you lived. love you and miss you -talitha

Every time I walk into Mrs. Crane's class, I think about you. I miss you walking in and giving me a high five so we could sing some silly Bloodhound Gang song together. Every time I hear The Bad Touch, it makes me think of you. I hope you're keeping it cool up there where you are. Play your music (too) loud, and be sure to do the Party Boy with T-Nerb. Let him know I miss him too. I wish you could come party with us again. I miss you lots. :(

On my way home from the office this evening, I noticed a HUGE traffic jam on I-30. The last time I saw that much traffic on I-30, my son was the cause. It hurts so much.

I know that coping with Nick's passing is supposed to get easier with time, but I have to say that has not been the case for me personally. As time goes on, it is harder and harder for my subconscious to pretend that NAS is simply on vacation or visiting his Mom. As each day passes, I now find myself finally coping with the fact that he is not returning. This hits me harder every day it seems. This past weekend, though, I had another wonderful memory with our boy while on a work trip to Port Aransas with my family. As we drove up the beach and saw how windy and cold it was, and how strong the waves were, we saw a family heading out to the beach dressed in jackets and long pants to protect themselves from the cold and wind. It made me flash back to Thanksgiving weekend about 6-7 years ago when my mom and dad (Nick's grandparents) and I took Nick to my aunts' and uncles' for Turkey day that year (Robert got stuck up in Allen for some reason I can't seem to remember). We took walks on that cold weekend, and Dad let Nick run into the water and get soaked up to his waist until he was freezing. I carried him much of the way back to help warm him up, but he had the best time running into the winter gulf. During the football halftime that year, Ricky Martin was the main musician, back when he was popular. Nick and my cousin's kids sang and danced to his music throughout halftime - I thought at the time that that would have been great blackmail material for when he started dating (even the thought of that now brings me to tears - he didn't make it quite to that stage). So yes, good memories come every day, but so do the tears with them. The missed moments and milestones he should have made as he lived his life. I try to believe that it will get easier, but I just don't know how that is possible. In the meantime, I will continue to remember the good times. But it is tough.

I think about you every day, Nick. I don't know what you (would) think about that, or if you ever (would have) thought that I would, but I do. For several other students and I too, the tears haven't stopped but they've diminished, and now we've begun to recall the happy times with you again. Just the other day I talked with Nathan about how you used to eat your lunch the period right before lunchtime like a weirdo, and how you'd say 'ama-za-za-za-zing', and other weird little quirks you have/had. You're very much missed. I hope you know that somehow.

Tammy is so right - things hit you like a freight train. I was in a dressing room yesterday (as I was THAT day). All of sudden I could hardly breathe, felt light-headed and got sick to my stomach. I did not dare sit down. I dressed and rushed out. You are so missed and loved, Nick!

You know when you are walking around in your everyday life. Then all of a sudden you could be watching tv or just hanging out, then you get this overwelming sadness cross over you. That has been my day. It just hits you like a freight train. You are missing a special part of your heart that was filled with the joy that was held there by Nico. I know that it doesn't compare to what his family is going through on a daily bases but I do miss him and his creative breakfast choices when he would come over for school every morning. You are in my thoughts Nick and I will miss you always.

i miss u nick! as does everyone who once knew u. :(

Hey Nick. It's your dad's birthday today. I can't imagine what today must be like for Robert. Birthdays are wonderful; today is his 40th. I'm so proud to have known your dad for so long... and was so delighted every time he had a story about you. Wow... The 40th is supposed to be so cool, so weird, so great all at once. You're supposed to be here, to call him old, and do whatever silly thing you would do for your dad. So much will never be what it should have been. You are very, very missed.

It's my birthday today. It's also Nick's half-birthday. I was doing very well today until I got home from work. In today's mail, there was a card from Ashley, a girl on Nick's high school swim team. Ashley spoke at Nick's memorial service, and she included a copy of her speech with the card she sent me. It was a beautiful speech from a beautiful person. Here we are, a little more than 2 months after Nick's death, so it was very sweet to see that his friends and classmates are still thinking about him. It also brought me to tears again. I miss my son so much every day.

I am so sorry about your son.

robert, i'm not going to say that i know what you're going through because i don't. but i do know that the loss of a child is the hardest and sadest thing that i can ever imagine. but i guess the only thing i know to tell you is that you have to hold onto those AMAZING memories that i am sure you had with nick. he was an amazing child. but unfortunately theres nothing that we can do to bring him back. so i guess my advice is to try and go back to all of these things that you and your son shared together and remember, rather than ignoring them and trying to forget about the pain. i am praying for you and know that there are people everywhere who care about you and your family. i liked the words of mrs. forrester"God gave us tears so that our heads won't explode, and laughter so that our bodies won't implode." your in our hopes and prayers!

So many of the things that have always brought me joy are things that I shared with Nicholas. I don't know if I shared these things with Nick because they brought me joy, or if they brought me more joy because I shared them with Nick. I suspect that it is a circular thing that fed upon itself. The problem is that these things don't bring me joy anymore. I don't enjoy listening to the drums or bass line, or even lead guitar because they all remind me of Nick. Travel isn't as exciting to me because I won't get to experience the trips with Nicholas. Corny jokes, Monty Python skits, and silly songs just aren't as fun without Nick to share them with. I'm not enjoying my book as much as I should because I had just got him started in the series a few weeks before he died. I haven't logged into play Runescape since he died because I don't have him to discuss it with anymore. I don't know what to do with my old Dungeons & Dragons books. I was looking forward to starting weight lifting with him this spring, but now I'm not interested. I don't know if I'm going to make it to Scarborough Faire or the North Texas Irish Festival this year. It broke my heart to cancel his 6 month dentist check up appointment today. Life just isn't as much fun without Nick to enjoy it with. :(